WARNING:THIS BLOG MAY CONTAIN A CRAP LOAD OF EMO-NESS
VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED
"Don't say we're not right for each other,
the way I see it, we're not meant for anyone else."
I feel like a douch because I KNOW that I pushed him to his breaking point... Not with intentions of breaking up.. He was my everything... He was my best friend. We had been together almost 5 years..and i screwed things up... way to go me! Why do I feel the need to test the people that I love?
It's like I MUST push the ones i love as far away as possible..
I don't know why..
Maybe I'm just ....I don't know..
and its as though I do not have a point of existence other than to continually make my life a little more "suckier"
"Time goes by a lot slower when you're missing the one you love"... someone nailed that quote on the head
I know that I pushed him away..
I know that I pushed when I didn't need to...
when I knew it was time to back off...
I know that something inside of me was crying out to royally screw things up..
and that part of me succeeded
yay me! *high Five*
Personality disorder much? I think so..
I honestly thought things were close to amazing the past year..
We argued, yes... but not over anything life or death..just stupid little things
and then got over it and was cool like 5 minutes later..
Is it so bad that i wanted him to be random and spontaneous?
Is it so wrong to long for him to surprise me with a random visit out of the blue?
I know he works...I know he works hard...yes...I know..
I miss him :(
I really do..
but...life will continue to pass...slowly for now..but it will pass.
I might sound like a big fat baby...but this boy has 4 years and 8 months of my life... I do believe I am entitled to feel slightly crappy.
My goals for week 1 of break up:
1) Be strong-“Promise me you'll always remember: You're Braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you thing" Christopher Robin to Pooh
2)Try to smile from time to time- "Beauty is power; a smile is its sword."- John Ray
You are incredibly strong, and will get through this difficult time. Unfortunately, there is no way through it but through it. Whatever comes in the future, take this as an opportunity to figure out what you need to truly feel happy and fulfilled in a relationship, then don't stop looking until you find it. . .
ReplyDeleteYou truly are a strong woman, Elise, and you have your heart in the right place. It is difficult to always express such a fact all the time when emotions come and go. Just know that you aren't a bad person. You are beautiful and loving.
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